Winged Rivers

*is in permanent squee mode until July 6th*

Kuro and I are goin' to vacation for Fourth of July!! I can't wait!! X3 We have everything packed, Random has the key for our house (Both of us thank you SO MUCH Random! *glompage* I owes you a lunch!), I made us our mini lil' lunch tomorrow to be eaten on the road, aaaaaaaaaand am about to take a sleeping pill to ensure I get EIGHT hours of sleep! *has been up since 4:45 am this morn*

All sorts of stuff is packed and I'm just excited as a kitten on catnip. This is my very first trip where WE'RE the adults. This is Kuro's and mine first trip together. This is my first time driving to the Atlantic ocean. This is the first time where most of the money to pay for stuff comes from me. I just. Can't. WAIT.

And Carolyn is AWESOME for lending me her bike! Whee, I don't have to rent one! XDXD And my parents rock for lending us their beach umbrella and beach chairs (we hadn't even thought of that!). And Kuro's dad for the tarp and Kuro's mom for the nifty info on how to get there. *remember, 70 to 32 or 29 to avoid the Beltway*

I wish everyone a super happy Fourth of July!! I CAN'T STOP BEING HAPPEH RIGHT NOW. *laughs at self then nervously laughs and then just kinda backs away with a creepy laugh*

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Sorry for all of the emo-esque posts the last week or so. XD I can put a teenager to shame, buahahahaha!!

So I feel that I've grown closer to some of my co-workers, now calling them friends than co-workers. We have our bitchy co-worker in common. *lawlz* Y'know the type; Psycho-Bitch. And Paul. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhg how I'm still not over his ineptitude.

Mrow, July scares me. WAY TOO MUCH TO DO. Chincoteague, then Otakon (yay Grandma Miller!!), then Granma's 50-year Anniversary. August'll be smooth sailing though. *huzzah is had!* Lots of good ol' dolly stuffs. I've been in massive dolly moods lately. @___@

So yeah. Been just chillin', icon collecting, and trying to keep flowers alive. I just got some Miracle Gro shit from the drawer in work that had all sorts of condiments and silverware 'n at. DAMN was that fuckin' drawer a mess. DX

So all'n'all, the emo posts shall stop 'til next year? XD I'm ususally good for a few months before I post melancholy, no?

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Dunno, felt like sayin' some thoughts... And wishing I'd fall asleep already. *not cool, yo*

( Cut just in case this gets long-winded. XD )

I NEED TO SLEEP NOW, WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND?! XDXD

Am fully addicted to Peggle and just finished playing TWO hours of it with my sister after an impromptu dinner. We got through the trial version and so began having fun at the Duel mode. Shitloads of laughs were had despite my poor sis goin' through some rough times.

Apparently, because she has a lip ring, it's all her fault that Dad is unemployed and that they're tight on money. Every day she heard "Take out your lip ring and you'll get a job", "Money's tight and it's 'cause you have a lip ring and you won't get a job" and blah blah blah. Pretty much my parents taking out their stresses on something that has feelings and is pissed off as all hell.

So Katie's rebelling. She took it out, but as her lip ring is something VERY special to her, she's not going to act the same. XD So no more cleaning, no more obeying, and no more Ms. Nice Girl. I can't wait to see what'll happen, but I kept asking her "How is it going to make you feel better/improve your situation?". She doesn't know, but I think she's hoping that Mom and Dad will see the change and acknowledge that JUST because she couldn't get a job with her lip piercing, that she was a help to the household still. I mean, Andy barely does much. Katie cleaned, watched over the dogs, and cooked 'n at. So for them to sit back and pretty much say "You're worthless because you have a lip piercing and you won't get a job" is incredibly asshole-y.

I find it ridiculous. But even more so that most more than likely, Mom and Dad don't even realize how much they're hurting her feelings. Katie knows now WHY I had a tendency to be angier at Mom than everyone else; they LOVE guilt-tripping you and putting pressure on you. When I was living there, it was constant nagging about my money, my job, my part of the chores, my anime hobby, my computer times, stuff like that. (not to mention weight, UGH) Nevermind that I was doing GREAT at my job, wasn't stealing from their wallets, and while I did (and still kinda do) have money issues, at least it was towards my car or towards responsibilites and not, let's say, DRUGS or SEX WITH STRANGERS. Not even binge shopping or anything either! It's always been nessessities and food. DX

So I hope through Katie and me hanging out that she was able to feel a little bit less stressed. It was awesome. :3

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Kuro said to me "I have a proposition". I said "Whut?" and before I know it I'm chillin' in what used to be his office, now my new craft room. He now has the basement/garage area ('cept the washin' machine area. XD). For one thing, it'll be cooler for him down there. For another, the upstairs won't be so blistering hot now. @___@ We hadn't realized how much of an effect his computers have on temperature...

But yesh. Now I has more room. ^.^ I can't deny how much I love this. I just wish we'd have some kinda windows down in the basement. Florescent light can only be so welcoming...

In other news, Torchwood. Hotness.

ETA- I also cleaned out my closet. Also known as Baron's OTHER litterbox. >__<

ETA2- I CAN'T SPELL.

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I find that the more I look at this site, the more I'm in love. I like how the project seems absurd at first, but then grows into a community where anonymously sharing secrets means the world to a few individuals who originally thought that they were alone.

I remember the first time I flipped through one of the books, I was astonished to find that a deep secret of mine was shared by someone else. So I immediately started to read as much as I could. And upon finding the site, became a dedicated reader every Sunday. Through the webpage, I found another secret that someone else shares with me.

I sent in a few postcards myself and will admit it did feel very relieving. I know that it's simply words on paper, but still... Forming that unsaid secret into words and then physically releasing it onto the world, where others will read it, giving them a new perspective or finding out that they are not alone, is very peaceful.

I'll always be an admirer of those whose secrets are deeper and darker than mine. Just to have the courage to write what had happened to them, or about something that they had done, and send it out for strangers to see? Even if it's anonymous, that takes courage. 'Cause what if someone recognizes your hand writing? That's always a big fear, isn't it?

In other news, I'm really happy for daizysanshope. Her articles as the Pittsburgh Cooking Examiner are really great. Go Shannon! *is def wanting very much to try the fishies one*

I'm just happy that most of my friends seem to be carrying on swimmingly right now. And that you guys are happy for me. That means a lot to me. It means so much to have your support. I'm working right now to de-stress my life. I had received some great advice recently; I'm on my way to accomplishing my goals. I have to eliminate the stresses and cut the lines on weight that's pulling me down.

(Alliteration paragraphs FTW!)
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I still hate LJ and am actively against it and I speak against it as much as possible.

But I have two friends who use it and, not wanting to be left out of their daily update of their life 'n at, wanna be sure to see their friends-lock posts 'n at.

Should I make an anti-LJ journal just so that I can comment 'n at on their pages or just be content as an outsider?


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I have only two really in my recollection. I attended my uncle's just today. It was kind of sad to see only a few people there to remember him, but I had a strange feeling that my Uncle Bill wanted it that way.

The service was Catholic, as my uncle had converted. But thankfully it wasn't a full-fledged one... I think so at least. 'Cause it was shorter than what I've been told. The priest guy was decked in robes and had two attendants; an older woman and an older man. There was an organist with a sidekick girl. The guy sounded beautiful. The girl, not so much. Every time someone approached the small stage thingy (which I liked all of the corny decorations 'n at, it seemed very homely), they had to bow. They bowed to the priest every time he handed them something. They bowed before they approached him. They bowed when they went to sit! I had to suppress a laugh at one point, 'cause it just honestly looked like they were his servants or something (and with all of my knowledge of the Christian faith 'n at, they could've been. I don't know).

The priest dude had a really nice speech. I liked how he focused on celebrating someone's death rather than mourning it. He was a fantastic speaker and several times I found that he greatly reminded me of Uncle Bill and how he spoke, despite the two having never met. Uncle Bill mostly lived in New Hampshire, and so his church and the "official" service had gone up there. He came down to Johnstown to be buried. Well, his ashes at least. He wanted to be cremated, which I found kinda neat 'cause that's what I want too.

Now, before I continue, don't get me wrong. I respect other religions and the people who choose to follow it. But I'm an opinionated person. I had only mentioned what I'm about to write to my father and siblings, since all of us kind of share the same view on Christian weddings. I know that funerals are something entirely different, but still...

( Just in case of offensiveness, I speak why Christian services are not for me. )


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Yesterday was a fanatiscally, awesome day (with the exception of whittle Kabuki running out on randomsome1 but she is found, huzzah!). I went out shopping with Carolyn. We had been planning to have a shopping day together for MONTHS and we finally got to have one! *squee*

I've been on a budget plan with Kuro 'cause I suck with monies. I began the day telling myself "I'm only gonna spend xx amount" and I came pretty close! My first two purchases were awesome 'cause they cost me either a dollar or under a dollar (gift card and a return FTW).

But yeah, chronological lists for easy times!

-Woke up with Kuro, which is always good. He went off to the fleamarket in North Versailles and had fun. :3
-Went to Random's, found Kabuki missing, walked around the block calling her name while texting Random and going "GAAAAAAAH, doggie!! ;-;-;-;-;-;"
-Left around nine and drove to Dormont, met up with Carolyn and got Friendship Bread (much to Kuro's delight later that night. And by delight I mean "AW DAMNIT!!1 >_<*")
-Went to eat at the DorStop and OMG AWESOME GERMAN POTATO PANCAKES AND RUSSIAN RUEBENZ
-Shopping times at the Point!! Lots and lots of talking and walking and oooh pretty and s'more walking.
-Got two pairs of cute shoes!! *cost me a buck fifty*
-Got Elly a dress and a pair of jeans *cost me fifty cents*
-Carolyn got her wedding ring refitted. Her finger feelz teh alonez.
-Went to other places and got crafts and clothes and HIL-A-RIOUS Peace shirt from Wal-Mart. XDXDXD Wait 'til I post pics LAWL.
-Was unsuccessful in finding a summer dress, but at least has a few more shirts now? Old Navy and Kohl's clearance FTW.
-SmokeyBones in Greensburg GOOD. SmokeyBones in Robinson BAD.

Yes. It was a good day. I felt wonderful and it felt great to just walk around and have fun looking at clothes 'n at. I wuv clothes shopping. No stresses. No worrying. No censoring myself. Just being me and hanging with a great friend. I need to make this a normal around me.

I also need to do those ankle exercises that I saw at the physical therpist office. >______>;; *ankles and knees were starting to bum out on me* Curse you joints!


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I don't like banks right now all that much.

In other news, I figured "Dude, gotta do something about the monies." So taking what Random told me, I put up what we had for sale on the Etsy and am selling some doll stuff on DoA that I don't use all that much. >_____>;; Here's t'hoping.

I just finished rereading Cynthia Voigt's Homecoming last night. I forgot how much I LOVE her writing. When I was little, my world revolved around Ann M. Martin (Babysitter's Club), Cynthia Voigt (Homecoming, Dicey's Song), and Paula Danzinger (The Cat Ate My Gymshorts). And I just saw a novel by both Ann M. Martin AND Paula Danzinger. I must get on that hot stuff...

I can't wait for Saturday. Me an' awesome friend are gonna go and have SUPER FUN times!! I finally get to use a gift card and I'm gonna see what I can do about a purse that I bought as a gift and wasn't wanted. >_< I'm gonna call ahead and ask for a manager and be all "UHM... Yeah, so I can has exchange pls? *puppy dog eyes*". Woo hoo!!

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My dad just called. My Uncle Bill died. It was sudden, he collapsed in the living room and when they got him to the hospital, he was already gone.

I'm crying over him, but mostly over the thought of my mom. That was her only brother. Now she's the last of the Austin clan above the Mason Dixon. Mom doesn't really know her other relatives, and sure, Uncle Bill's wife and their kids are still around, but still...

I remember that Mom was very attached to her parents, and LOVED her Aunt Helen. They were all a close-knit bunch. And now to think that all Mom has left are the few kids Uncle Bill and Aunt Jane had makes me cry even harder.

I can't imagine the pain of loosing my brother.

And what's worse, Uncle Bill's 15 years older than Mom. Does that mean I only have fifteen years left? (I know I don't, but I can't help but keep thinking it. Damn my thinking!)

Uncle Bill, I've always idolized you. When I was younger, you were such an intelligent man, far beyond my years of knowledge. As I got older, I disagreed with your viewpoints a bit, but still loved and admired you. I just wish last time you were in here in PA, I could've spent it with ya rather than go out on a date... I love you Uncle Bill, hope you're well.

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I'm finished with roleplaying.

It has been a fantastic journey. I've met many kinds of people and all sorts of different characters. Through roleplaying I've developed into a better writer, have seen more cliches than I'd have cared to, and met many awesome friends. Some have come and go, but others have stayed on and become more than just roleplaying partners, but true friends of whom I can share my life with.

The characters I've created will always remain in my heart, forever having adventures and dramas and all sorts of scenarios. And they'll always interact with their friends, characters of my friends. Some of them have developed into great stories that I intend to write whilst others will just be daydreams.

And now I'm moving on.

Trying to roleplay now feels forced and no longer interests me as it once did. It doesn't consume my thoughts anymore. My life no longer revolves around the computer. When I lived with my parents, the computer was the center of my life. It was the fountain for my inspiration, for my artwork and writing, my social life. Now that I have a household that I share with Kuroneko, my mind has more to play with. Chores are no longer chores, now it's my responsibility and my pride to keep my house in an orderly way. I have clothes to sew for my dolls or pictures to take, I have a kitten to amuse, I have a boyfriend to sit and watch TV with, I have crafts to craft together and make for people. And now AIM is more of a nice "Hey how are you doing?" social network rather than a framework of writing and roleplaying.

I've finally accomplished my goal, my friends. I'm a responsible adult with responsibilities. I finally feel that I've grown up. Some of the problems are still here that I had with my parents, but... I feel so free. I have NEVER loved myself as much as I have now. I am so proud and so happy to be me, that it brings tears to my eyes.

Since I've stated that, I think I know what roleplaying was for me. It was a nice escape. A way to look at myself and say "I like myself because..." and the 'because' was the joy I brought to my friends through our roleplays. The characters we created, the scenes, the awesome times. All of it was to say "Please value me".

I no longer need roleplaying.

Yes. Yes, that sounds right. I don't need to roleplay anymore.

Now, I'm not trying to say roleplay = not responsible. I know plenty of people who live responsibly and still roleplay. What I'm saying is that why I started roleplaying and continued to roleplay was for a reason, and that reason was to validate myself. Now I no longer feel the need to validate myself through roleplay. I have other means, and not just in my doll hobby. With helping my friends, either by giving a helping hand with house or garden, or to be a shoulder to cry on when something goes wrong.

I want to thank all of you who've roleplayed with me for the past ten years. The adventures we've had were incredible. You introduced me not only to your characters, but to your heart and soul. You laid out yourself to me and allowed me to accept you, as you had accepted me. It has been a privledge and an honor to share our ideas and inspirations with each other.

I will never, ever forget.

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My body's a complainer, just like my mouth. We like to complain. So my back complains, as well as my wrists. My ankles have been the worse complainers EVER.

So today, my Left Ankle decided to hurt itself.

My mother, an RN, thinks I did something with a tendion in the archilles part thingy and... I don't know, medical jargon was had. All in all; give it rest, prop it up, and ice it baby!

BUT HOLY SHIT DOES IT HURT. It'll go without pain for a while, then suddenly this terrible, horrible, cringing stinging will commense and it's hell on my nerves. DX

At least I'll have fun at the doll meet tomorrow. ^.^

And I had big success with Reilly and Kabuki and Onimaru! *was super nervous about it* Especially when I heard a girl screaming 11 at night... But thankfully it wasn't anything terrible, so good then.


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Don't really know why I bother updatin' this. XD Guess it's nice to think at least five people will read this and be satisfied in knowing that I'm doing well.

I finally got that horrible scar removed. The one that caused me pain and looked so grotesque. Now I have a thinner scar that smiles at you with its stitched mouth. I hope it never truly goes away. It's a nice reminder of how I finally did something and got rid of a bit of my pain.

Now onto new knees, new ankles, and new wrists. XD *kidding*


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Took pics. Lots and lots of pics. Just spent an hour resizing and organizing all of my pics. /cries

Here's the album with all of the super sweet cosplay!!

All of the pretty dollies I saw! I also included all of teh pics of Mel and Vaughn I took.

This one has photos that I didn't know where else to put, like the pics I took of our tables 'n at, pics of Random and HoleToledo and of the city 'n at.


I hate how more than half of them came out blurry. They look fine in the view thingy, but then once on the computer it's like "WOW that sucks... DX I wanna get what HoleToledo has. *grubby paws grub on awesome camera*

Overall, SUPER FUN TIMES! I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

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I'm over at Sunrise's house, which is super fun times. We made sure to actually wake up early *le gasp* and were crafting. And then!! And then! We went out to a park! XD It's a really nice park, probably look super awesome come summer times. Sunrise has been goin' on dating sites lately, trying to keep busy to forget the guy she just broke up with from a five-year relationship. I don't blame her. So to help, I'm taking pictures of her in the outdoors 'cause Kuroneko's camera is SO MUCH awesomer when in the daytime. The pics come out BEAUTIFULLY. So Sunrise got some awesome shots and Vaughn the SD doll got a little bit of action, something I've been dying to do.

But I'm feelin' for poor Sunrise. One guy thus far has given her the stopped phone call treatment, and the second guy kinda has issues 'n at... One of the issues was killed just today, too. He has an ex-wife up in Minnasota and had a young, three-year-old daughter. The ex-super bitch/ex-wife (she thinks, she doesn't know much) was driving and was in a bad accident. Obviously, the guy's not ready for a relationship NOW, but Sunrise has no clue exactly how to help him. Of course she's gonna be there for support and to try and help him, but other than that, he's kinda like a stranger... Wouldn't wanna be in her position. Godspeed, Sunrise, Godspeed...

In other news, I'm finding myself lusting for a Soom Beryl. I want one so badly, I dream about her. XD I felt silly today. A chick was taking offers and I offered $100 for Beryl. Figured, hell, why not? The chick, of course, was all "Your offer too way low" and I'm like "Yep!". I would've shit my pants though if she had said sure. *laughs*

I've been kinda wanting to be serious about my photography lately. Sure, alls I got is a digital camera (a... what is it... a Nikon Coolpix L3). But taking pictures of Sunrise and of my dolls... I think I have a bit of talent. It'd be kinda cool to advertise that and take pictures of other peoples dolls or of people themselves. I have a photobucket account of everything and I've been looking through them. I might have potential? It's something nice to think about. ^______^

And on anoter sad note, Yoite died in Nabari no Ou. ;-;-;-;-;-;

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Okay... So dinner's KINDA not a failure? I took boneless porkchops and... uh... did stuff. >________>; I put flour, brown sugar, and oats together, then mixed that up with BBQ sauce, two eggs, some milk, some maple syrup, and a smidge bit of salt 'n pepper... It... tastes... okay! XD I have to figure out what else to add so that the oats aren't all stickin' together and stick on the porkchops instead.

And pretty determined. I'm still obsessed with dolls, but I'm gonna pay off my fucking student loans first. They've gotten out of hand due to the interest, and I'm puttin' a stop to it NOW. Which will be heart breaking when all of my profit from Tekko's gonna go straight to the loans. *sigh*

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Hey yo, sup. So via my new music downloadin' thingy, I can finally download all sorts of songs I want.

Well, I already own Korn's cover of Kidnap the Sandy Claws, and figure to try out everyone else!

Only could get two others, but I digress. My opinions;

Marilyn Manson covers This is Halloween; Wasn't really anything special. A confused slur of guitars with his voice sounding like it's on the verge of puberty for a young youth. I would've liked to have seen a big more of effort placed into the song, like, y'know, various guitar rifts during the singing, changing your voice to meet the refrain, shit like that. Give it a five outta ten.

Korn covers Kidnap the Sandy Claws; You can defintely tell that the band had fun recording this. John Davis sings with the various voices (albeit they do sound kind of alike since he can only stretch his voice so far) to match the imps, and the guitars are doing all sorts of different fun things. I love hearing this one over and over. Ten out of ten.

Fallout Boy covers What's This; I know I shouldn't really compare the cover to the original, but I just have to. Patrick Stump has a nice voice, but he almost sounds bored singing one of the best songs of Nightmare. (especially since I've been listening to Dance Dance nonstop for, oh, a half hour now) The guitars don't provide anything special to the song, but the piano is a nice touch. Seven out of ten.

I wanna buy the CD now, not only to support the awesome artists who put their time and effort into it, but also to listen to it in me car. ^_____^

Oh, also, the Green Mango in Monroeville has some funky tasing Pa Nang, but an AWEOSME Manga Cucumber salad. I am eatings that next time I go. Any takers?

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Alright, so last night had to leave work 'cause of some TERRIBLE back pain. DX I tried to go through it, but at eight, I practically cried thinking of having to stand and move around for another two and a half hours. I'm so thankful to my manager who was like "yes yes, thanks for staying as long as you did BUT GO HOME".

So, refusing to sleep in our bed as we don't have a box spring thingy (it broke), I was like COUCH. Settling in so that I didn't hurt too much, I put on my MP3 player and opened up the Dead Until Dark book.

Overall, I'm incredibly satisfied. It was well written and aside from my previous pet peeve (FAT CHARACTERS ARE AUTOMATICALLY DUMB OR LAZY, WHOOT. *anger*), I really really enjoyed it.

But... I find that I prefer the TV series. While DUD the book read great, had character development, and a decent story, DUD the TV series felt more fleshed out with more attention to the side characters and more characters in general. Not to mention Sookie cares more for her bro than in the book. XD It just seemed that the mystery in the Southern vampire mystery took the back burner while in the TV show you get more of a sense of impending doom about it. Although the TV series has a bit too much sex for my liking. I mean, other than huzzah for more FEMALE fanservice, they really pound it in that Jason is a horndog.

( Read more... )

But yeah, while reading I was like "...man, I miss Tara!" XD I'm glad randomsome1 got me to watch and my co-worker was so nice and lent me the first book. Onto the second!!

*goes to doll meeting all happy as can be*

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I finally got off of my lazy butt (well, more like sat on it) and read the first chapter of Dead Until Dark, the first of the Southern Vampire novels by Charlene Harris.

It was pretty decent. I loved how the main character's voice made you feel like she was talkin' directly to ya. And how she has improper grammar along with it is awesomesauce. Huge fan of that.

A few nit-picks with it, but hey, nothin's perfect. It just always grates on my nerves that the main character absolutely MUST refer to themselves as moderatly attractive. "I have a great body, beautiful hair, and wonderful cleavage!" Like they're afraid the reader ain't gonna like them unless they're well endowed or have great boobage. Just, ugh. Grates my nerves. And that fat characters are automatically "lumpy", "lazy", "clumsy", or "slow".

Isn't that wondrful? So I'm a lumpy, slow, fat chick who's lazy. WONDERFUL.

Even with those two big nagging pet peeves, Sookie's voice was perfect and she really made me want to find out more. I love how she didn't fall for Bill's sultry voice, telling him immediately to cut it out. *le gasp, non cliche!!* And I just love the universe and how there's that lil' thing that tends to be looked over with vampires; history.

I had actually watched the first something episodes of the series with randomsome1 and that's when it dawned on me that you could ask a vampire how the Civil War was and he'd be able to tell ya, 'cause he was there. When peeps think 'bout vampires, usually it's just all about sexiness and blood sucking.

I imagine that history teachers wouldn't quite like the thought of loosing their job to someone who experienced it. XDXD

But yeah. Def gonna continue reading it.

Also because it's AWESOME and so FULFILLING when an adult asks for the Twighlight books, you ask who's it for, and then when they let you know that they're buying it for themselves refer them to Charlene Harris and watch them walk out with a copy of Dead Until Dark.

Buying a Charlene Harris book from the public: $1.50
Selling the Charlene Harris book for half off: $3.98
Making sure that more people know how much of a twat Stephanie Meyer is: Priceless

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