Winged Rivers

I'm finished with roleplaying.

It has been a fantastic journey. I've met many kinds of people and all sorts of different characters. Through roleplaying I've developed into a better writer, have seen more cliches than I'd have cared to, and met many awesome friends. Some have come and go, but others have stayed on and become more than just roleplaying partners, but true friends of whom I can share my life with.

The characters I've created will always remain in my heart, forever having adventures and dramas and all sorts of scenarios. And they'll always interact with their friends, characters of my friends. Some of them have developed into great stories that I intend to write whilst others will just be daydreams.

And now I'm moving on.

Trying to roleplay now feels forced and no longer interests me as it once did. It doesn't consume my thoughts anymore. My life no longer revolves around the computer. When I lived with my parents, the computer was the center of my life. It was the fountain for my inspiration, for my artwork and writing, my social life. Now that I have a household that I share with Kuroneko, my mind has more to play with. Chores are no longer chores, now it's my responsibility and my pride to keep my house in an orderly way. I have clothes to sew for my dolls or pictures to take, I have a kitten to amuse, I have a boyfriend to sit and watch TV with, I have crafts to craft together and make for people. And now AIM is more of a nice "Hey how are you doing?" social network rather than a framework of writing and roleplaying.

I've finally accomplished my goal, my friends. I'm a responsible adult with responsibilities. I finally feel that I've grown up. Some of the problems are still here that I had with my parents, but... I feel so free. I have NEVER loved myself as much as I have now. I am so proud and so happy to be me, that it brings tears to my eyes.

Since I've stated that, I think I know what roleplaying was for me. It was a nice escape. A way to look at myself and say "I like myself because..." and the 'because' was the joy I brought to my friends through our roleplays. The characters we created, the scenes, the awesome times. All of it was to say "Please value me".

I no longer need roleplaying.

Yes. Yes, that sounds right. I don't need to roleplay anymore.

Now, I'm not trying to say roleplay = not responsible. I know plenty of people who live responsibly and still roleplay. What I'm saying is that why I started roleplaying and continued to roleplay was for a reason, and that reason was to validate myself. Now I no longer feel the need to validate myself through roleplay. I have other means, and not just in my doll hobby. With helping my friends, either by giving a helping hand with house or garden, or to be a shoulder to cry on when something goes wrong.

I want to thank all of you who've roleplayed with me for the past ten years. The adventures we've had were incredible. You introduced me not only to your characters, but to your heart and soul. You laid out yourself to me and allowed me to accept you, as you had accepted me. It has been a privledge and an honor to share our ideas and inspirations with each other.

I will never, ever forget.

.